Today I am 1 year old , my rebirth day
One year ago in took one of the strongest decision and change in my life , i started to live honestly with myself and it sounds very easy but actually was on of the biggest game change i had
It is now time for me to share, speak about the past year of my life , the moment i stoped suffering in silence and took a decision that was going to take me on a entire new journey in my life , exactly one year ago i started a rehab in a place called Dara in Thailand ,where i was lucky enough , it crossed my research thru the web seeking for help , cause i was alone on that journey at that point of my life, no one to help and no one could help as it is a decision that has to come from the inner child and ready for to battle.
I kept this in my secret box for almost 22 years , with lot s of shame and it is still today one of the hardest battle, but i have chosen to speak about it, almost a miraculous case sharing an experience of life , and making sure i can help as much as i can.
I have been so lucky to be surrounded with people that helped me thru a long and hard process till today. I am delivering, on a hard working base with incredible people , a battle with an environment that is extremely crazy and nasty , thank-s to my family Amélie Nicolet who had been here from day one to ear and whisper the help i needed , and the honesty that i needed to ear , Cristina Zaror to be here when i need you and not judge me , and be always the support i needed ... Fran Lilou Amael Eloyen Kezyan you are always my pillar and my reason to live , Maïka Schwab Nuñez Christian Nils Schwab without you any of this wouldn’t have been possible , you helped me out and to not sink, come back like a Phoenix from the ashes , Amoneeta Dara and all my partners in crime at Dara who helped to discover who i am and brought peace inside of me, Ben Our Caroline Nicolet Porchet brother and sisters to be part of My pillar , Antonio Hales you re the best friend any person in this planet can have , i feel blessed and lucky that i have met you .... any time i am here for you , Adrian Schopf the same a constant pillar for enlightens my heart and life , Miguel Angel Bravo and Lara Fer everyday every time you bring love life and joy to my life, Anna certainly you have been giving also the most gentle and noble wisdom, Idriss Dib you are surely one of the most lovely person on this planet and you helped out so much my family to stand with the best things we had ...... all may team Amandine Siebert Alejandra Sergio Penas Adriano Masia and all the friends that has been part of the new me , my rebirth , i am eternally thankful, life time for what you did to me.
Thanks to all of you , i am who i am today
I wanted to share my experience and bring to light the consequences and knowledge about certain behaviors and dangers.
There is such an enormous sadness to see the story of Tim Avicii a young hard-working person and talented in his genre of music dying from pushing it over the limit, I wanted to make a point about it because somehow so many times I felt so close to what happened to Tim , that loneliness, isolation and specially the feeling of not being understood was generating high level of anxiety, depression and driving me confused cause nobody ever spoke about the illness that touring and pushing generates , and the only way to survive to those extremes demanding lifestyle is self medication .. so like lot s of other artist i found a cure to an unexplainable disease thru any type of drugs medicine and alcohol.......
If i rewind today my story, with almost 20 years touring now and the amount of travel, nightlife and after hours with restless sleep and tons of pills to wake up, an other ton to sleep or calm down , pain killers for million reasons and substances to keep pushing a, flooded with hecto litters of alcohol, well i consider myself Lucky and almost a living miracle, and blessed that i have survived it. Today 4 of mai, it is exactly one year since I came out of my rehab , i completely cleared myself from drugs, alcohol and substances , my life is still covered with extreme amount of stress and restless hours of sleep, endless amount of kilometers and planes , uncounted countries and hotel rooms but i take care of my body and soul , with consciousness and patience .....my life has changed completely since then , i stoped lying to myself and started taking relevant action to invest the amount of energy to cherish this incredible gift that is life , with the people i love and situation that would help me staying alive . I want to live forever and if i really want that , well then i need a proper hygiene of life to start with.
it is a hard battle that i give every day, specially in my working environment , when i came out of my rehab there was a very small amount of chances that i would make thru due to the job that i do every week end ,,..... it s almost 130 gigs a year i am doing at the moment , thank god i have a precious family, team and friends that helps me thru this majeur change and They make sure now no one pushes me from that cliff again . I delivered a battle against drugs hard-core anxiety and specially to keep my head up in this industry that always pushes you to jump higher no matter how bad the fall will be. I am not blaming the industry for things that i have decided to do on my own , i somehow always knew that the road was for the strongest and that i had to build a wall around myself if i wanted to survive , but never thought it would have been that hard ....i will always take responsibility for what i did to myself or others, but there is a lack of information and consciousness, and generally artists are sensible people with one desire , the desire to share with people, ready to give there life to entertain and share with people......the cocktail of extreme demand, attention , loneliness passing from being with 1000 of people to lonely hotel room with a factor of time, proportions of absolute madness and repetitions , away from the family , from the people tou love, lack of sleep , weather change, time zone , anxiety, food and hyperactivity ... it s almost logical that it leeds to major crashes . Nightlife is like a high cliff that more you flirt with, it pushes you to jump as high as you can . I was lucky enough to survive, exactly one year ago, I was pulled out of an aircraft with my heart that was about to stop, with doctors giving me a warn saying that if i wouldn’t stop immediately then death was my next chapter, i was so ashamed of myself, felt like the worse human on the planet , fucking up the ***perfect life***** that i was chasing for years ....unable to speak about it cause everyone always tells me how lucky i am, when my accident happened i didn’t even know who to call and what to say, not even ab le to call wife or family , cause you are on you own when you fall , i thought for long time that this was my destination, dying or suffering is silence .... and i repeat the shame of myself so many times in hotel room seeking for help and calling rehab from around the world asking desperately fro help ,,,,, that feeling of loneliness is the most anxious nightmare i have experienced in life .....somehow life that runs through my veins was stronger and I was given a second chance to make things different , today i apologize , humbled to life and blessed to have a second chance..... since then i have decided to open up, speaking to the people i know about that story to create consciousness around , understanding it is a disease that i couldn’t identify because it is sometimes for us almost like a taboo , cause from outside, that life i live looks like almost a dream, and you re not supposed to complain, so it s very hard to speak about, but only now i finally see consciousness about touring and that is creating major diseases and health issues.
I have decided to write and speak loud and proud about what happened to me in order to create consciousness. Remember music is magic , and you dont need anything else than your heart and imagination to feel this language that connects people together , and create a unique sense of community, that takes you on a inner journey with emotions and feelings. It took me about 6 month to remember the many reason i was going out, and one day it popped in my mind again , and the reason we all go out , is to laugh and share .......
There’s no greater freedom than the freedom to be yourself. Give yourself that gift, and choose to surround yourself with those who appreciate you exactly as you truly are
L
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